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So here's a situation. Advice would be great.

Girl friend is a very religious Christian. I support her in her faith. Go to church with her. Don't make fun of her for it. Everything.

She tells me last night that she is going to Spain for 9 months to learn abroad in a Christian program over there. She had told me about this before we started “dating” 5 months ago and I had addressed that I was hesitant about dating her if she was going to leave for 9 months. But after many talks, it was decided that she was not going to Spain. So now 5 months later, she tells me that she is going afterall. I tell her I am going to wait 9 months for her. That I feel our relationship is that important and special and I couldn't love anyone else in this world.

So I asked if there was anything else I needed to know about. She tells me she is having a problem that I do not believe in Jesus. She wants a husband she can pray with, read the bible with read the bible to her kids with. I told her I have no problem with her teaching the bible to our kids, but that is not what I believe, so they will end up hearing something different from me. It does not mean she is wrong in what she believes or that I am right. It just means we believe different things, and that is ok with me. I accept her for who she is and what she believes.

But none of this was good enough for her. I support her in everything she does and love her with open arms and am willing to wait 9 months while she goes and does something she believes in. And we have never fought about anything else during the 5 months we have been together.

If everything about a relationship was perfect except for a religion, would you break it off?
 

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[quote author=TheSpuddy link=topic=107318.msg2195446#msg2195446 date=1206976451]
So here's a situation. Advice would be great.

Girl friend is a very religious Christian. I support her in her faith. Go to church with her. Don't make fun of her for it. Everything.

She tells me last night that she is going to Spain for 9 months to learn abroad in a Christian program over there. She had told me about this before we started “dating” 5 months ago and I had addressed that I was hesitant about dating her if she was going to leave for 9 months. But after many talks, it was decided that she was not going to Spain. So now 5 months later, she tells me that she is going afterall. I tell her I am going to wait 9 months for her. That I feel our relationship is that important and special and I couldn't love anyone else in this world.

So I asked if there was anything else I needed to know about. She tells me she is having a problem that I do not believe in Jesus. She wants a husband she can pray with, read the bible with read the bible to her kids with. I told her I have no problem with her teaching the bible to our kids, but that is not what I believe, so they will end up hearing something different from me. It does not mean she is wrong in what she believes or that I am right. It just means we believe different things, and that is ok with me. I accept her for who she is and what she believes.

But none of this was good enough for her. I support her in everything she does and love her with open arms and am willing to wait 9 months while she goes and does something she believes in. And we have never fought about anything else during the 5 months we have been together.

If everything about a relationship was perfect except for a religion, would you break it off?

[/quote]

I think you two should really try to find a compromise. If you feel your both connect and love each other, i think you should not let faith break you apart.
 

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Religion and politics are easily the most debatable and sensitive topics in our society, and when they are brought up in a relationship (friend or SO), it can either go one of 2 ways, bad, or good. ha.

I have had experience in which my best friend was highly religious and of a different religion than me, we respected each other for it. My b/f of 2 years was, you could say immature, and hated the fact that I wanted to go to church on occasion and possibly "explore my faith".

what it sounds like to me is, you have a loving and healthy relationship that should not have to end over a subject like religion. However, do think about the future, it may be difficult for kids growing up and having mom say one thing, and dad say the other, yes, it can be done and it may be good for your children so they can see both ends of the spectrum and make a well educated choice when the time comes. I hope this helps, and best of wishes to you both :)
 

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I would. People tend to be pretty hardcore about their religious beliefs. If she has a problem with it now, she'll have problems again later. It's one of those things that either you both need to share, or both need to have the same attitude towards.

If she were fine with you and your beliefs, I would say that's great, go for it. Since she isn't, I'd presume she doesn't want you dispensing your heathenistic aethist beliefs onto her perfect christian children.

There are plenty of christians that are just fine, accept other's beliefs, etc. There's plenty more that won't, and no matter what you say you aren't going to be right. It sounds like she is one of these sorts, who is really trying not to be that way to be with you.

Long story short, I wouldn't wait 9 months for her. If she comes back, you guys pick everything back up, and everything is working, awesome. You never know, you may find an awesome woman who really does accept you for who you are during that 9 months.
 

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I would not break it off, but you do need to help her understand that religion is not the only thing in this world. If she truly is a good person, then she should be able to see others' views on certain matters and understand that her potential children are going to eventually hear something other than her beliefs. It's the way of the world, and I hope she learns to take off her blinders so your children don't lead a closed-minded life.

But you really do need to ask her what SHE wants to do in this matter. Someone like her may not want to continue a relationship with someone who isn't a mirror image of herself.

It really does sound like you are the only one who is fully understanding in this situation.


Many apologies in advance if that sounds harsh as I really do not mean it in a bad way.




(+1 to Kodos)
 

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If you can find a compromise, then no I wouldn't. If she can't compromise then I certainly wouldn't stay with someone like that. My wife and I differ on religion a bit, she is a die hard atheist and I am more of an agnostic, so it isn't really THAT different.

However, I would be more then willing to be in a relationship with someone who is extremely religous so long as 1) They don't enforce their relgious beliefs on me 2) they allow me to teach our children my view of things as well she teaching our children her view on things (religous) 3) neither of us would force our views on our kids, if they decide they want to grow up (IE old enough to make a resonable decision) and be Jewish or Christian or whatever else fine, but if they decide they want to be a good atheist then that is their choice as well.

So long as my GF/fiance/spouse could agree to that then their relgious beliefs don't really matter to me so long as they are within certain bounds (I am not really about to stick with a satanist or a 'southern baptist' taking that to mean the worst kind of christian zelot).

I feel like going to church, synagoge, mosque, temple, whatever with my significant other is my choice, if I decide I don't want to go, then deal with it, if I decide I want to go don't suddenly decide I have accepted the faith, I might just be going because I know you really want to, so I thought I would make your Sunday (Saturday, whatever day). Same goes with teaching our kids. Just because you have one view on religion doesn't mean my view might not be valid. Also when our kids are old enough I will not allow you to force them to attend church or whatever when they are old enough to really decide on their own beliefs...that is just cruel. I will also not encourage them not to attend religous services (I will not however attend myself if I decide I don't want to just so that our kids are encouraged to attend).

Those are my firm beliefs.

It is significantly easier to be in a relationship with a person that has similar relgious, moral and family values as yourself. Even if you agree on how your relationship would operate with the differing relgions doesn't mean that your family values match up, and that right there is damned hard to reconcile.
-Matt
 

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You need to sit down with her and explain exactly where you will and won't go with religion, and find out exactly why she thinks it is such a problem. My girlfriend and I are religious opposites and we're both somewhere between mildly and moderately dedicated to our respective religions. Even as such, religion almost never comes into play within our relationship - we know that we share many of the same beliefs, even if they're not for the same reasons, and we see those as desirable qualities within eachother. To us, it doesn't matter if you believe in the faces behind the messages, but just the messages themselves. Rarely do our beliefs clash, but even when they do, it's usually petty and easily resolved. I'd say you should try and find a similar place with your SO - it seems that she may be a bit short sighted or she's simply misunderstanding how you feel about this issue.
 

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me and my wife are in a pretty similar situation.... except we're not entertaining the thought of splitting up over it. she pretends to be very religious and claims to have done research on different religions and magically decided that her parents were right all along and stuck with christianity (or protistant or whatever. it's the same damn religion people. quit the bullshit).

now, her family is the type that settles on something and no matter how much proof or evidence you provide, you will always be wrong. that pisses me off to no end. i have studied paleontology pretty much all my life (since i was 4, i wanted to dig up fossils and discover new dinosaurs), so needless to say, i find evolution to be pretty logical and accept it as scientific fact (as does the pope. look it up). she, however, does not. and no matter how much evidence or proof i provide (including the transcript of pope something-or-other from the 60's acknowledging evolution), she refuses to open her mind to other possibilities. pisses me off. quit being so damn pig headed and open your damn eyes!!!

my point is, if we can agree to get past this and realize how much we love eachother, so can you. especially since you're not nearly as antagonistic as i am :lol:
 

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I too would agree with Kodos, due to personal experience. And 5 months isn't always enough to know if that is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

The last girl I dated was very compatible in everything except religon. And we loved each other very much. I am still fond of her and who she is...however she was LDS and I am Roman Catholic.

We both share similiar ideals, morals, and views on several items that religon touches upon.
However, our respective religon doctrine is very different.

The biggest difference was that I understand the freedom of will for others to believe what they want to believe. Every religon has it's "truths" and the Catholic Church, while I believe is the original Christian religon, is not always the best and cannot and doesn't not serve everyone's interest. That is perfectly fine with me.
The LDS church, especially to this person, was the TRUE church and that while I didn't need to be LDS at that point in time...I would see the light, she was willing to hold out on that ideal. Again, that is understandable because that is how she was raised.

I don't want to get into any religon bashing or what not...so I'll stop there. However, the end of our relationship came with the topic of raising family.

I believe, and it's very antiquated, that the father is the guidance in terms of religon. And she believed the same thing. Maybe you've found the irony...
BUT, if we were to have had a family...she would have wanted them baptized in the LDS church. I'm no longer than "leader" in terms of religon and if I wanted to be, then I would have to change my faith. I don't want to because I have several issues with the LDS church, and that is through much education on my own part (prior and during our relationship).
We were both stubborn, but looking back I feel it's for good reason. You can't gloss over the issues now and think they'll go away or work themselves out with time. We could have gotten married and the issue would have just gotten worse. I don't believe in divorce, and neither did she... that's why you date to see how you'll work together.

Also, there is something in me that enjoys being next to a loved one/spouse/significant other at church...whether at Mass or volunteering or whatever else it may be. It's just another way that the relationship can grow.

So, to me, the idea of how to raise children was the issue that ended a relationship where religon was mixed.

The girl I'm dating now, is Catholic, and our relationship is fruitful on so many levels...as well as religon. We've both had our mess ups and sins, but we are not ones to judge each other and hold that against the other at a later date.

Having a serious, and committed, relationship takes alot of work...I feel that a difference in religon just makes that so much harder. It may work for many and I've seen it done, and I don't mean to be discouraging, but it doesn't work for all. Especially those that are devout in their respective faiths.

And when you have children, you MUST have a united front or your kids will exploit that on so many levels and it will just tear your relationship apart. You can't confuse them on believing one thing, and then your spouse telling them otherwise. You have to consider how that will affect other items that come up as your children are growing.

Also, know this...there is not just one person out there for you. I used to believe that, now I don't.


[quote author=moser3002 link=topic=107318.msg2195573#msg2195573 date=1206980281]
quit being so damn pig headed and open your damn eyes!!!

[/quote]

See, I feel like that can work both ways...regardless of the situation. Also remember, the Pope speaks only for the Catholic church, not other Christian faiths. The difference is in the doctrine and practices. Much of Christianity is very similiar, but there have been people who have left the Catholic church because of a teaching they didn't like. The Catholic church was very archaic for many years...too much power maybe, I don't know. This isn't a theology discussion (yet I'm diving into one) but I do agree...if Christians all look to one person, why do their views have to differ so greatly and sometimes be hostile to others. Doctrine is the man-made and ever-evolving aspect of religon, and it's the most argued part of it.
 

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[quote author=budgy link=topic=107318.msg2195571#msg2195571 date=1206980268]
wow man she is a hardcore in love with Jesus....are you sure that isn't cheating?
[/quote]

lol

I don't mind people who are hardcore into religion, I just can't stand it when they try to press their religion on me.

BTW, Sunday at 10:00, you can find me in bed lol.
 

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You're still young, call it off. It's not going to get much better in the future, especially when she's devoting 9 months of her life towards Christian studies. She's not exactly going to come back more accepting of your differing views.
 

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[quote author=KeepJeepin link=topic=107318.msg2195644#msg2195644 date=1206981984]
[quote author=budgy link=topic=107318.msg2195571#msg2195571 date=1206980268]
wow man she is a hardcore in love with Jesus....are you sure that isn't cheating?
[/quote]

lol

I don't mind people who are hardcore into religion, I just can't stand it when they try to press their religion on me.

BTW, Sunday at 10:00, you can find me in bed lol.
[/quote]

Sunday @ 10 I will be @ work or getting ready to go to work.
 

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Actually, I hear about this often in Arkansas. Churches always talk about being "unevenly yoked," and the husband and wife need the same political view, faith, and denomination. Well my g/f is Catholic and I'm Baptist, she's more democrat and I'm more republican, however we are able to find our comfortable medium. We generally never discuss politics because it's important to us, but not that important. We also never discuss our faiths with each other because we know we are not gonna change how we believe. With the OP's g/f being so religious the only way I will see it working is if you become whatever faith or denomination that she is. She's going to be hearing daily about how her boyfriend is poison to her relationship with Christ and she can only grow closer to Christ by conforming her boyfriend or ending the relationship. Honestly, if you don't want to believe her faith then there's no point doing it to make her happy, because that will just make more problems later on in the relationship. It may be a relationship that was never meant to be, however it's lasted this long. No need to force something if it you had this big of a conflict in the beginning. She feels she's compromising her faith to be with you, and you would be compromising your beliefs to conform to her beliefs. That just looks like a train wreck waiting to happen to me. I'm sorry to come off as rude, but I hear this often where I'm from. If it's that big of an issue in a relationship it was always noted just to go separate ways.
 

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[quote author=budgy link=topic=107318.msg2195652#msg2195652 date=1206982130]
[quote author=KeepJeepin link=topic=107318.msg2195644#msg2195644 date=1206981984]
[quote author=budgy link=topic=107318.msg2195571#msg2195571 date=1206980268]
wow man she is a hardcore in love with Jesus....are you sure that isn't cheating?
[/quote]

lol

I don't mind people who are hardcore into religion, I just can't stand it when they try to press their religion on me.

BTW, Sunday at 10:00, you can find me in bed lol.
[/quote]

Sunday @ 10 I will be @ work or getting ready to go to work.
[/quote]

Sucks for both...I'm biking downtown to have a few bloody mary's with my girlfriend and her parents. I go to Mass at 6pm, better music.
 

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[quote author=moser3002 link=topic=107318.msg2195573#msg2195573 date=1206980281]
me and my wife are in a pretty similar situation.... except we're not entertaining the thought of splitting up over it. she pretends to be very religious and claims to have done research on different religions and magically decided that her parents were right all along and stuck with christianity (or protistant or whatever. it's the same damn religion people. quit the bullshit).

now, her family is the type that settles on something and no matter how much proof or evidence you provide, you will always be wrong. that pisses me off to no end. i have studied paleontology pretty much all my life (since i was 4, i wanted to dig up fossils and discover new dinosaurs), so needless to say, i find evolution to be pretty logical and accept it as scientific fact (as does the pope. look it up). she, however, does not. and no matter how much evidence or proof i provide (including the transcript of pope something-or-other from the 60's acknowledging evolution), she refuses to open her mind to other possibilities. pisses me off. quit being so damn pig headed and open your damn eyes!!!

my point is, if we can agree to get past this and realize how much we love eachother, so can you. especially since you're not nearly as antagonistic as i am :lol:
[/quote]

Im not in paleontology, but i have the same beliefs as you. "God put the bones there to test our faith". I agree that I wish some were more open minded. Id accept the fact if someone believed that god is several billion years old, created the earth in pangea form or something.

As I said earlier, try and find a compromise, and understand what religion means to her. best of luck
 

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Relationships can become very difficult when you have an extremist and a mellow person involved no matter what is involved. It would be no different if I was a functional alcoholic and my g/f was a social drinker. It would cause problems in the home, due to my excessive drinking when to me it doesn't effect my life and how I'd operate on a daily basis. I don't want to be nosey, but do you care to explain how you met. It appears it wasn't at a church, bar, or nightclub. I was glad that my g/f and I got religion and politics out of the way the first week of our relationship. I go to church with her and she goes with me and we both enjoy ourselves. I talk about how I like the traditions of the Catholic denomination, and she likes the familiness of the Southern Baptist. I'm not what is considered the hardcore Southern Baptist, but I do believe in what the bible says is tre. I may not agree with other peoples viewpoints on religion, however I never penalize anyone from being different than myself. Anytime religion comes up I generally quickly kill the conversation if I sense someone else just wants to argue. All you're doing then is wasting breath and not coming to any type of conclusion. We are all people and we are created to have many differences! We then can use these differences to work together to make the world a better place for ourselves. Geez, that sounds incredibly cheesy. I sound like an after school special!
 

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[quote author=weezerfan84 link=topic=107318.msg2195728#msg2195728 date=1206983897]
Relationships can become very difficult when you have an extremist and a mellow person involved no matter what is involved. It would be no different if I was a functional alcoholic and my g/f was a social drinker. It would cause problems in the home, due to my excessive drinking when to me it doesn't effect my life and how I'd operate on a daily basis. I don't want to be nosey, but do you care to explain how you met. It appears it wasn't at a church, bar, or nightclub. I was glad that my g/f and I got religion and politics out of the way the first week of our relationship. I go to church with her and she goes with me and we both enjoy ourselves. I talk about how I like the traditions of the Catholic denomination, and she likes the familiness of the Southern Baptist. I'm not what is considered the hardcore Southern Baptist, but I do believe in what the bible says is tre. I may not agree with other peoples viewpoints on religion, however I never penalize anyone from being different than myself. Anytime religion comes up I generally quickly kill the conversation if I sense someone else just wants to argue. All you're doing then is wasting breath and not coming to any type of conclusion. We are all people and we are created to have many differences! We then can use these differences to work together to make the world a better place for ourselves. Geez, that sounds incredibly cheesy. I sound like an after school special!
[/quote]

thats great weezer. Good hear some catholics are understanding people. My buddys ex had very many relatives that were quite religious and they always started up arguments with him (mostly on msn though).
 

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Man, do I have an incredibly similar problem with my girlfriend.

She's Lutheran, I have no religious affiliation (I guess that's Agnostic). She wants me to become a member of the church, get baptised, Communion, etc. I really don't want to because I don't believe in any of the teachings and don't think it would be fair to become a member of something if I'm not going to really believe in it. She keeps insisting though because she wants to get married in her church and they have some weird rule about being a member of the church to be married there. It's a sore subject, especially the fact that her parents don't like me simply because I don't follow a religion. That really adds fuel to this tire fire.

We're trying to work out a compromise, but I don't think you should change who you are and your beliefs simply because you are with someone with different viewpoints as you. Like you said Spud, you get crap because you don't believe in what she does, and yet you support her in whatever she wants to do. I support her in what she does and would never tell her to stop going. I am looking for a similar solution to the problem at hand.

I wish you luck.
 

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I would break it off personally, because I am all anti-religion. In fact, knowing how much she was into it in the first place I wouldn't have gotten involved but that's besides the point. If she wants you to change then I would say break it off but if she didn't mind what you did then wait for her if you feel you should.
 
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