|02-02-2004, 03:28 PM||#1|
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Toronto, ON
Just the jokes - I'm not sure the rest is worth the bandwidth
How do you double the value of a Yugo?
Fill the Tank
What do you call a Yugo at the top of a hill?
Q. How do you make a Yugo accelerate from zero to 60 mph in less than 15 seconds?
A. Push it off a cliff.
Q. What is found on the last two pages of every Yugo owner's manual?
A. The bus schedule.
Q. What did the parts dealer say when the customer said, "I'll take a set of wiper blades for my Yugo"?
A. "Sounds like a fair trade to me."
Q. Why do Yugos come with heated rear windows?
A. To keep your hands warm while you're pushing them
Q. What do you call a Yugo with brakes?
Q. How do you make a Yugo go faster downhill?
A. Turn off the engine.
Q. Why don't Yugos sustain much damage in a front-end collision?
A. The tow truck takes most of the impact.
Q. What do you call Yugo passengers?
A. Shock absorbers
Q. How do you improve the appearance of a Yugo?
A. Park it between two 914s.
You go. Car stays.
Q. What do you call a Yugo in the fast lane of a highway?
A. A miracle!
Some used car dealers might try to reduce the miles on the odometer to make a car seem worth more money.
With a Yugo, they add miles to try and convince you it really will go that far!
"Optimist" defined: A Yugo owner with a radar detector
Q. Why do Yugo owners never carry a map?
A. It'll never get far enough to get lost!
Despite their small size, Yugos are actually designed for five people;
1 person sits in the driver's seat, and the other four would get out and push.
A thief caused $39.95 damage to a Yugo.
He broke in and stole "The Club" off the steering wheel.
Q. Do you know what you call a Yugo station wagon?
Did you hear about the Yugo/pedestrian accident?
"You know what they do with junked Yugo's don't you?
They recycle them into tin cans."
Here is a true saying in Croatian, which was very popular, where the car comes from (and it rhymes): "Yugo nije za dugo."
...Translation: "Yugo is not for long."
"Yugo missed out on a great slogan when Doritos took it first:
'Crunch all you want. We'll make more!'
Q: How do you make accelerate a Yugo from 0 to 100 km in 10 seconds?
A: Push it off the top of a cliff.
Q. What's the difference between a Yugo and the principal's office?
A. It's less embarrassing if your friends see you leaving the principal's office.
Q: What is the sport-version of Yugo?
A: The driver wears Nike shoes.
Q: What do you call a Yugo with twin exhausts?
A: A wheelbarrow
Q: What is the Yugo owner's most ardent wish?
A: To buy a car.
Q: What do you have to do if your Yugo gets in the way of a swarm of killer bees?
A: Stop pushing and take refuge into the car.
Q: What do you call a Yugo with a seat belt?
A: A rucksack
Yugo . or you not go!
Q: How do you make a Yugo go faster uphill?
A: Throw out the passenger.
Q: What do you call a Yugo with a flat tire?
A: A write off.
Yugo has announced a new 16 Valve model for 2002.
8 in the engine, 8 in the radio.
- I can see you've got a new car - a Yugo!
- Yes, I won the second prize in a lottery.
- What was the first prize then?
- A fruit-basket!
Yugo will be introducing three new vehicles next year.
They will have a moped called an "I Go".
They will have a 4-door called a "We Go".
They will also have a new station wagon called the "Y'all Go".
Why were sidewalks invented?
So Yugo owners would have a safe place to walk home.!
What is the difference between a golf ball and a Yugo?
You can drive a golf ball 200 yards!
Q: What do Yugos have in common with Ferarris?
A: A Ferrari can go from 0 to 60 in 4 seconds, whereas a Yugo can go from 0 to 4 in 60 seconds.
Actually, a Yugo CAN accelerate as fast as a Ferrari,
if you give it a fast enough running start, so it clears the cliff's edge.
"The Oakland Police captured two men in their Yugo last night.
The men are being held as suspects in the city's first push-by shooting."
From the Yugo owner's manual:
"If you sense an impending accident with any other animate or inanimate object larger than a breadbox, quickly 1) place head between legs, 2) lock hands behind head, 3) Repeat:
'Our Father, who art in heaven...'"
Yugos are now much safer and come standard with an air bag.
When you sense an impending accident, start blowing *real fast*.
Consumer safety tests showed that a 5 mph parking-lot crash will cause about $2800 damage to a Yugo. What's left?
About $1200 of "dealer prep."
|02-02-2004, 09:51 PM||#3|
Yugo vs Rolls
A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls Royce. The driver of the Yugo rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, "Hey, buddy, that's a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I've got one in my Yugo!" The driver of Rolls looks over and says simply, "Yes I have a phone."
The driver of the Yugo says, "Cool! Hey, you got a fridge in there, too? I've got a fridge in the back seat of my Yugo!" The driver of the Rolls, looking annoyed, says, "Yes, I have a refrigerator."
The driver of the Yugo says, "That's great, man! Hey, you got a TV in there, too? You know, I got a TV in the back seat of my Yugo!" The driver of the Rolls, looking very annoyed by now, says, "Of course I have a television. A Rolls-Royce is the finest luxury car in the world!"
The driver of the Yugo says, "Very cool car! Hey, you got a bed in there, too? I got a bed in the back of my Yugo!"
Upset that he did not have a bed, the driver of the Rolls Royce sped away, and went straight to the dealer, where he promptly ordered that a bed be installed in the back of the Rolls. The next morning, the driver of the Rolls picked up the car, and the bed looked superb, with satin sheets and brass trim. It was clearly a bed fit for a Rolls Royce. So the driver of the Rolls begins searching for the Yugo, and he drove all day.
Finally, late at night, he finds the Yugo parked, with all the windows fogged up from the inside. The driver of the Rolls got out and knocked on the Yugo. When there wasn't any answer, he knocked and knocked, and eventually the owner stuck his head out, soaking wet.
"I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce," the driver of the Rolls stated arrogantly.
The driver of the Yugo looked at him and said, "You got me out of the shower to tell me THIS?!?!"